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A Bike or Not Being Depressed

Season 9

Trapped in the Closet

Stan's mom notices something is wrong with Stan. When he tells them that he needs $240 not to be depressed, Stan's Dad says no.

3176 00:51 watch this full episode add to playlist episode guide
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  1. Trapped in the Closet 11.16.05 When Stan is identified as the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, Scientologists converge on his front lawn and ask him to lead them. When Stan criticizes the acting skills of a prominent Hollywood actor, the actor locks himself in Stan's closet and refuses to come out.
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    Free Personality Test

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Stan's saving his money so he can buy a new bike. Luckily, the personality test Scientologists administer is free.
    20166 02:43 add to playlist
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    Fax These Results to Los Angeles

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Stan uses his bike money to get audited by the Scientologists. His E-Meter scores are higher than any the Scientologists have ever seen.
    13974 02:11 add to playlist
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    What Scientologist Actually Believe

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan the creation myth that Scientologists believe.
    97173 02:59 add to playlist
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    A Bike or Not Being Depressed

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Stan's mom notices something is wrong with Stan. When he tells them that he needs $240 not to be depressed, Stan's Dad says no.
    3176 00:51 add to playlist
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    OT 9

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Stan's off-the-charts thetin results are rushed to the head of Scientology, who immediately knows their cause: Stan is the second coming of the great leader.
    2055 00:45 add to playlist
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    Thank You For Returning

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    When Stan goes to take out the trash, he is greeted by throngs of Scientologists hoping to catch a glimpse of their prophet.
    1765 01:40 add to playlist
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    Tom Cruise Won't Come Out of The Closet

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Tom Cruise is seeking approval for his acting career. Stan doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
    3512 01:26 add to playlist
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    R Kelly

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet, so the local news media turns to R. Kelly.
    1949 00:57 add to playlist
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    Tom, It's Nicole

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    With R. Kelly narrating the action from outside, Nicole Kidman steps in to try her hand at getting Tom Cruise out of the closet.
    1906 00:50 add to playlist
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    Stan Chooses Scientology

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    When Kyle tells Stan he thinks Scientology is wrong, Stan Chooses Scientology over their friendship.
    2974 00:55 add to playlist
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    John Travolta Feels Safe in the Closet

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    John Travolta tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet and winds up going in himself. R. Kelly sings about what's happening.
    2575 01:12 add to playlist
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    Scam on a Global Scale

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
    1434 01:27 add to playlist
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    R Kelly Sings with TC & JT

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    With Nicole Kidman and John Travolta having failed, it's time for R. Kelly shot.
    2002 00:55 add to playlist
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    Go Ahead, Sue Me!

    Season 9
    Trapped in the Closet
    Stan tells the truth about the scam behind Scientology. The Scientologists want to sue him.
    1754 02:02 add to playlist
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