Jared Has Aides
As the country becomes obsessed with a popular weight loss program, the boys see an opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain. Their rival weight-loss spokesman reveals the secret weapon he used in the fight against fat.
When the boys hit the slopes of Aspen, Stan is challenged to race the best skier on the mountain. In the tradition of the epic ski adventure movies of the 80's, he must win the race in order to save the youth center, get the girl and free the trapped spirits of the Wakacha Vampire Indians.
When the boys learn that talk shows offer prizes to people who are grossly disfigured, they sign Butters up. With some strategic enhancements to his chin, Butters is sure to beat out all the other freaks.
Fun with Veal
Stan is appalled when he realizes the veal he's been eating is, in fact, the meat from little baby calves. He and the boys calf-nap the animals and hide them in Stan's bedroom. A standoff ensues and Cartman goes head-to-head with the authorities' greatest negotiator.
The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
All the kids in South Park are glued to the TV wild with anticipation to see the first trailer for the latest Terrance and Phillip movie. The trailer is scheduled to premiere during one of the commercial breaks in the long-running series "Russell Crowe: Fighting Around the World."
The boys fire Butters as their friend and hold auditions for a new kid to take his place in their group. The devastation over his rejection unleashes Butters' dark side and Professor Chaos is born.
The Simpsons Already Did It
The boys break into Mrs. Choksondiks' autopsy to retrieve Cartman's Sea Men from her stomach. Meanwhile, Professor Chaos is frustrated when he realizes all of his diabolical plans to wreak havoc on South Park have already been done on "The Simpsons."
Red Hot Catholic Love
A sexual abuse scandal involving priests hits South Park and is taken all the way to the Vatican. While the boys try to understand why anyone would want to put something up their butts, Cartman comes up with a way to crap out of his mouth.
When the boys find out that their favorite movies are being enhanced, re-released and ruined in the process, they form a club to "Save Films from their Directors." Their goal is to stop certain famous auteurs from wrecking any more of their original masterpieces
Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society
Cartman gets kicked out of their circle of friends because Tweek has taken Kenny's place and the boys need to make room for Bebe who is so suddenly and unbearably cool right now. She just got boobs and the boys are going crazy, abandoning their friendships and altering society as we know it.
Child Abduction Is Not Funny
The parents of South Park will do anything to protect their children from kidnappers. They hire the owner and operator of the local City Wok, Mr. Twang, to build a Great Wall around the city. They equip their children with Kid Trackers and even follow them to school. Just as Mr. Twang is almost finished with the wall, Mongolians arrive to try and break through. When a study reveals that nine out of ten abduction cases are committed by the mother or the father, the parents send their kids out on their own so
A Ladder to Heaven
Kenny died with the winning ticket to a candy store shopping spree, so the boys build a ladder to heaven to reclaim it. Unfortunately, the Japanese start building their own ladder to heaven, the government intervenes and the event is chronicled in a lame country music song. Cartman realizes that he's had a little bit of Kenny inside him the whole time.
The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers
The boys are on a mission: return "The Lord of the Rings" to the Two Towers Video Store in Conifer. But this is no ordinary copy. Butters, the evil sixth graders, and the boys' parents all try to steal the tape from the boys.
The Death Camp of Tolerance
Mr. Garrison desperately tries to get fired from his new job as South Park Elementary's 4th grade teacher and presents his assistant, Mr. Slave. Meanwhile, the boys get sent to the Deathcamp of Intolerance for not tolerating Mr. Garrison's intolerable behavior. Lemmiwinks the gerbil guest-stars.
The Biggest Douche in the Universe
When a famous psychic fails to help him exorcise Kenny from his body, Cartman and Chef travel to the moors of Scotland, where Chef's mom tries a little of her voodoo magic on him.
My Future Self 'n' Me
When a 32-year-old man claiming to be Stan from the future shows up in South Park, young Stan is forced to come to terms with the loser he will become. Meanwhile, South Park's own little entrepreneur, Eric Cartman, is at the helm of a new money-making venture. Cartman is in the business of revenge.
Red Sleigh Down
Cartman has to score one big "nice" on Santa's list to be eligible for Christmas presents this year. He recruits Santa, Mr. Hankey and Jesus in a desperate attempt to bring Christmas to the downtrodden citizens of Iraq.